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Nine Dharmalicious New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-27T15:57:00Z

Many of us tend to view New Year’s resolutions as self-improvement projects. But this approach tends to set us up for failure and contributes to a sense we have that something is wrong with us. We can look at resolutions as something we can work with throughout each day, as best as we can. It's not a set of rules we need to nail down perfectly. Seeing them this way allows ourselves some sanity and the opportunity to put our practice into real-life use.

Here are nine resolutions I’ve come up with that are dharmically based, but can be beneficial to anyone, Buddhist or not:

1. Set aside at least a few minutes a day to be still and silent. Give the mental mud a chance to settle so you can have some clarity and peace of mind. It’s more important to do a minimum amount of practice regularly than a maximum amount of practice sporadically. Translation: five or ten minutes of meditation a day every day is better than one hour once or twice a week.

2. Practice generosity even when you're not in the most generous of moods. It’s especially helpful to give when you are feeling needy or sorry for yourself. Generosity entails offering more than just money or things--you can offer your time, encouragement, knowledge, a smile, a compliment, or a seat on the train to someone who might have difficulty standing.

3. Don’t indulge the inner voices and thoughts that criticize yourself and others.These voices do nothing but keep you mired in the past and worrying about the future. There is no need to repress them or pretend they aren't there, but try not to give any weight to them anymore.

4. Recognize the power of speech and use words wisely. This isn’t about being a fake or trying to act like a “spiritual person”, but it does imply that you don’t have to say anything that comes to mind simply because you can under the guise of “telling it like it is.” The words we use have a very real impact on ourselves and others.

5. Look people in the eye and smile at them even if you think there's absolutely no chance you'll ever see them or need them again. Try this with the bank teller, the grocery store check out clerk, a homeless person, your next door neighbor, just about anyone you encounter on any given day. And do it without the expectation that they ought to smile back or respond. Smiling smooths out the rough edges, but often it happens as gradually as water smoothing over a rock.

6. Pay attention. Take care not to get lost or zone out throughout the day, or to rush through the things you consider a chore or a nuisance. Wash the dishes carefully and mindfully. Shovel the shit off the sidewalk with the same attention you’d give to arranging a vase of flowers. Keep an open and curious attitude toward the physical experience of each moment. Don’t miss out on your life in search of the next momentary distraction.

7. Remember that you are not separate from anyone else. Recognize the worth and inherent goodness in every living thing, even if you don’t care for the particular form that it’s currently taking. Just as it would be foolish for a wave to see itself any different from the foam at its tip, we make a mistake when we think in terms of “self” and “other.” Everything and everyone we perceive is another unique reflection of our mind at any given moment.

8. Don’t make anything. My teacher’s teacher used to say “Don’t make anything. If you make something, you have something. If you don’t make anything, you have everything.” This means that we ought to experience life directly as it is without adding on all of the “extras” we tend to bring to things in the form of concepts, ideas, and past associations. If you keep your mind closed, you box yourself into a corner with few options. If you keep your mind clear and open, the possibilities are endless.

9. Appreciate your life. It’s fine to have aspirations, to want to attain, to achieve something, and to hold onto what you have. However nothing will ever feel like it’s enough until you appreciate what you have in your life right now. The more you can appreciate your life, the happier you can be, and the more likely you are to attract circumstances and situations that help foster more happiness for yourself and all other beings.

-Lawrence Grecco

Giving 'til it Doesn't Hurt

2011-12-19T15:48:00Z

The best remedy for poverty is generosity.

Whenever I’m feeling closed, stingy or possessive, the easiest way for me to change that is to do the opposite of what I feel like doing: giving to someone else.

From our usual perspective we tend to think that giving implies getting something back. When we expect something back after giving of ourselves, our time, our love, or material wealth, we aren’t practicing generosity, we’re engaging in a form of currency: If I do this for you, you had better do something just as nice for me one day.

It’s possible to transform our idea of giving from something that feels like an act of extreme sacrifice to a process as natural as the rain. The sky never fears that it will run out of clouds if it rains too much: it realizes that there is a cycle going on that doesn’t require any worry or expectation. When the time is right, it rains. When the time is right, there’s enough moisture in the atmosphere gathering to form clouds once again. No big deal.

If you’re giving until it “hurts”, you’re doing it wrong.

If you’re doing it right, what follows generosity is a sense of lightness and relief. Giving offers us a reprieve from our usual state of self-absorption and reminds us that our happiness is intimately interconnected with all other people, whether we know them or not, whether they look like us or not.

Giving offers us the opportunity to realize that the lines we draw between ourselves and others are imaginary and never lead to happiness for anyone.

True generosity helps us understand that we don’t have to worry about undocumented immigrants “stealing” our jobs or our resources. An open heart precludes any notions of taking care of “our own” first because our definition of who falls under that category expands.

The openness we develop when we cultivate a generous heart gives us a broader perspective which helps us see through such misguided ideas.

When you encounter an individual or a group of people that makes you cringe, notice the sense of physical and emotional contraction going on. It’s both an opportunity to learn something about yourself and to understand where in your life you can benefit from opening up.

Easing Up on Yourself and Your Practice

2011-12-13T05:16:00Z

A clay Buddha cannot pass through water.

A wooden Buddha cannot pass through fire.

A metal Buddha cannot pass through a furnace.

- Case 96: Joshu’s Three Turning Words

When we have too fixed an idea of what our practice should look like, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Every moment we sit is different from the previous one and different from each one that follows. Just like this, the way we relate to ourselves, each other, and our lives is going to vary from day to day. We never reach that perfect, completely “together” version of ourselves. We make an effort, we live consciously, we screw up some times, and we try again.

When we have fixed goals about what practice should do for us, we set ourselves up for frustration. Meditation isn’t an instant fix or a fast cure-all but rather a subtle process, the results of which can’t always be measured or quantified easily. It’s like what happens when walking outside on a misty day--gradually we end up getting soaking wet without realizing it while it was happening.

When we are too hard on ourselves and think we aren’t “doing it right”, we keep ourselves cut off from our true nature which is basically good, decent, whole, and awake. Well-being and happiness isn’t something out there we have to struggle towards-- it’s an inherent aspect of who and what we already are. When we make friends with ourselves and learn that our minds and our thoughts are not the enemy, this clarity shines through the way the sun does after a storm.

Smart Brain, Foolish Heart

2011-11-21T16:39:00Z

A smart brain is useless if your heart is foolish.

We spend a lot of time thinking things through and trying to apply logic to this very illogical world of ours. In our society, intellect is valued over insight. Many people think that wisdom means having a lot of facts, figures, and concepts in their heads. What seems like a good idea one day can turn out to be the worst thing ever when all is said and done. Thinking with one’s head while ignoring one’s heart is what brings about wars, inequality and economic collapse.

Sometimes I am asked what “Buddhist philosophy” really is. The best answer I can offer takes on the form of a very simple question:

“Who are you?”

“Who am I?” is the most important thing a person could ask themselves. The answer to this question cannot be arrived at solely through psychotherapy or religion, and I wouldn’t hold my breath for some philosophy or course in magical thinking to do the trick either.

When we sincerely ask ourselves this question, the logical part of our brains short-circuits and something else has to kick in to help us realize what our true nature really is. Thinking just doesn’t cut it, and no amount of intellectualization in the world will help you see it.

Asking this question and beginning the process of experiencing who and what you really are is the most important thing you do in this life. It’s what determines the way in which you go about the business of living and loving. The more clear you are on your truest, deepest nature, the less caught up you will be in all of the ups and downs of life. You’ll be able to ride the highs and lows of your daily situation the way a seasoned surfer rides the ocean waves.

If this sounds perplexing to you, I’ll give you a little hint:

What is it right now that is reading these words? Is it your eyes alone? Your brain? Your intellect? What’s coming before all of that and making this process of reading possible?

If you start to smile when you consider this question, it means you're on the right track.

Enjoy!

Breaking the Shackles of Karma

2011-11-14T15:13:00Z

"Just as a prisoner screaming as he’s dragged, twisting behind a horse, the chains of karma drag us down the road of suffering. Repeatedly, we follow the cycles of life, sickness, old age and death. Only your wisdom sword can cut these chains."

-Zen Master Gong

The Teachings of Zen Master Gong, Chapter 1:7

We get shackled by our karma when we live without awareness. Karma isn’t isn’t a form of punishment or reward from some outer entity with a score to settle--it’s simply the ongoing system of our actions bearing fruit.

What determines your actions from one moment to the next is the way in which you are keeping your mind. This doesn’t mean having to feel great 99% of the time, but rather to be clear as to what’s going on and not getting attached to things being one way or the other.

When you are off center, it’s easy to get pulled in this direction or that direction based on whichever way the wind happens to be blowing. Outer circumstances will control you, your karma will control you.

By simply bringing awareness to your mind in each moment, you can take control of your life and determine what results you get in the next moment. Living mindfully rather than blindly enables us to understand the true nature of things, and when we do this we can respond to life appropriately rather than reflexively. It doesn’t mean that things happen just the way we want them to all the time, but it does mean we are better equipped to live our lives fully without getting swept away by the ups and downs of our daily experience.

Chronic Emptiness: Emotional Malady or Spiritual Remedy?

2011-10-31T17:22:00Z

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to better understand depression, it’s causes, and how it can best be alleviated. It’s not that I’m depressed--in fact I’m happy to report that I’m rarely blue since I started a regular meditation practice some years ago. But due to current circumstances I’m in a position where it makes sense to take a deeper look at this incredibly powerful mind state because it has an incredibly strong hold over several important people in my life.

While googling “Recurrent Major Depression” (a diagnosis that a close friend of mine recently received) I stumbled upon the DSM IV criteria for this condition as well as another that often goes along with it: “Borderline Personality Disorder.” One of the symptoms listed under the “Cognitive” category caught my eye immediately: CHRONIC EMPTINESS.

It’s fitting that a word like “emptiness” is devoid of any one inherent meaning. Of course the emptiness being described in the DSM IV is the “I feel like nothing matters...life has no meaning...I don’t want to do anything...everything is too hard...” sort of emptiness. Then there’s the Buddhist version of emptiness, which isn’t quite as easy and straightforward to define.

Emptiness as described in Buddhism is often mistaken for nihilism which couldn’t be further from the truth. Usually it’s best to refer to it in it’s original sanskrit form: “sunyata” but for the purposes of this article I’m going to use the standard “emptiness.”

From a Buddhist perspective, having an experiential and intellectual understanding of emptiness is key to relieving our constant dissatisfaction with the way things are, and the distorted way we go about experiencing ourselves, other people, and the world around us.

I wish psychiatrists and psychologists would start to promote chronic emptiness as a remedy for emotional distress rather than just a symptom. And we could all benefit from cultivating a borderline personality instead of our customary solid one.

If we all truly experienced chronic emptiness we wouldn’t feel the need to crap all over our daily experience with the habitual narrowness that results from our fixed thinking. There would be no solid “I” that would have to be at odds with “you” and “them” and “the world outside” of Myself. By experiencing chronic emptiness we could gain more insight into the nature of our minds and realize that all of our emotional states are temporary and fluid and based on a constantly evolving set of circumstances and conditions.

By stressing the inherent interconnectedness of all things we can gain an insight into our emotional maladies and eventually have more openness and space in which they can run there course without having to take us over and paralyze us with fear and anxiety.

There are some severe forms of depression that absolutely need medication in order to be dealt with appropriately: meditation and understanding emtpiness aren’t a one-size-fits all answer to every issue in every instance. But we can meditate on emptiness and eventually realize how amazingly liberating it is once we get a glimpse of what it truly means.

-Lawrence Grecco

The Benefits of Mind-Blowing Suffering

2011-10-24T16:41:00Z

Two weeks ago I almost lost someone whom I love very much. The phone rang as I was writing at my desk and it was a doctor I didn’t know telling me what had just happened. As I listened to the doctor’s somber words, I suddenly became hyper-aware of everything around me;

the sensation of my breathing as it went from slow and relaxed to quick and shallow, the pronounced thumping of my heartbeat, the texture of the phone as I gripped it hard in disbelief, and the glow of my computer monitor as it splashed against my trembling left hand on that dark and rainy day. Although I thought I had been concentrating so intently just a few minutes earlier, there was no escaping the fact that now I was truly alive.

There’s something about life-changing events that chain you to the moment. Running away is impossible and all you can do is be there one hundred percent, whether you like it or not.

There’s no way out when something ridiculously out of the ordinary occurs because the situation and circumstances are so urgent that there’s just no avoiding them. It’s like seeing a baby falling from a window--relying on your thinking “I, my, me” mind will result in a dead baby. It makes no sense to stand there scratching your head wondering what to do, or googling “what to do when a baby is falling out of a window?” on your iPhone.

Being completely present compels a person to put their arms out and (hopefully) catch the infant safely before it hits the pavement. No thinking required, just responding to life spontaneously and appropriately.

Experiences like these have a way of cracking our hearts open. We don’t have the luxury of deciding what does or doesn’t happen in life, but our choice and our practice comes in when we decide what we do with whatever is going on around us.

From this point forward I could either grow more fearful of losing someone, or I could deeply appreciate that this person is still around and be grateful for how incredibly lucky I am and how lucky they are, even if that isn’t abundantly clear to them just yet.

We mustn’t waste any aspect of our lives, not even our suffering. To resist our suffering and see it as a distraction from our path is a mistake. To view all of the hurting that's happening right under our noses as an opportunity to give meaning to suffering and to develop a deeper sense of compassion for others is the right way to go.

We don’t have wait around for urgent situations to come up before we begin to access thepart of ourselves that’s always present and capable of doing what life truly calls for. By practicing consistently we train ourselves to override our thinking minds and allow a sense of wisdom to emerge so that we can help other people in the best way possible.

Suffering is Not a Life Sentence! Buddhism = Happiness.

2011-10-17T19:30:00Z

Let’s face it--Buddhism has a rather gloomy reputation. Sure, the words “kindness” and “compassion” sometimes come to mind when someone hears the “B” word, but all too often, what most people think of when they hear “Buddhism” is:

"LIFE SUCKS, THEN YOU DIE!"

Who can blame them when the first thing folks usually hear about when exploring this Buddhist stuff is the First Noble Truth which says that “Life is suffering” (well, dukkha actually...but don’t get me started on that).

The point of this teaching was not to suggest that humanity is doomed to suffer indefinitely. The Buddha was simply acknowledging our universal condition of dissatisfaction with the way things are, and he provided us with a means to end that persistent, underlying dissatisfaction so that we can be happy. A doctor does the same thing when she recognizes the symptoms of a medical condition. By doing so, she can appropriately diagnose and then treat the problem in order to restore her patient back to place of well-being.

I propose that we come up with a revolutionary new public relations strategy for promoting Buddhism in the West. Let’s change the narrative and infiltrate every social networking site, blog, and media channel we can with a more accurate message that clarifies what this practice is really about:

BUDDHISM IS ABOUT HAPPINESS!

Honestly now, if you heard about a spiritual practice that appears to emphasize pain and suffering as opposed to one that provides REMEDIES to that pain and suffering so you can be HAPPY, which one would you be more inclined to check out?

Buddhism is kind of radical when you think about it. Many people will settle for not being quite so anxious or worried or depressed anymore. Attaining a degree of happiness isn’t even on the menu for most people these days. It’s as if realizing true happiness in this life feels so beyond the realm of possibility that many of us don’t even dare to dream of such a thing, even though the desire to be happy is the one thing we all have in common.

But this Buddhism business is all about how to END suffering, not about how to be a good masochist.

So the revolution begins right here and right now. Spread the word far and wide. I can’t think of a better slogan than this one:

BUDDHISM IS ABOUT HAPPINESS!

(Directions: Copy, paste, repeat)

Art is Wherever You Look

2011-10-07T04:46:00Z

Three Surprising Qualities of Compassion

2011-10-03T16:16:00Z

Compassion isn’t just a feeling. In fact, true compassion need not involve any particular emotions at all. Sincere compassionate action can take place when there is no sense of “Me” and “You”, “Us” or “Them”. If my left arm is itchy, my right hand reaches over to scratch it without first having to feel really, really sorry for the left arm. My right hand doesn’t need to spend a lot of time thinking of the best way to solve the problem of itching. It recognizes a degree of suffering experienced by the left arm and responds appropriately in a way that alleviates that suffering. Compassionate action is spontaneous and happens as naturally as reaching for a pillow when it’s time to go to bed at night. No thought, no great effort, no patting one’s self on the back--just doing whatever the situation calls for. Getting caught up in a warm and fuzzy feeling and calling it compassion can be yet another form of self-aggrandizement and separation.
Compassion isn’t currency. Acting with compassion simply involves responding to the suffering of others because we recognize that we are not separate from them. The phrase “You scratch my back and I’ll I scratch yours” is terribly misguided. If I hold the door for someone and they rush through without saying “thank you”, I need not get in a huff because I think they’re being rude to me or that they are ungrateful. The second I start looking for a “thank you” or some other form of acknowledgment, I’m engaging in pumping myself up rather than simply doing for others. What I’m trying to pass off as being nice or compassionate is in fact a form of currency. I’m doing something with an expectation of gaining something in return--even if it’s just a little “thank you.” It’s not a really big deal, but let’s not call that compassion.
Compassion is our natural state. There are many, many practices meant to rouse a sense of compassion within us and they are all very wonderful. However, it’s important to remember that compassion is our natural state. It isn’t something we need to get or acquire, it’s something we just need to recognize and cultivate within ourselves. It’s already there but it gets covered over by the weeds of our thinking, our habits, and our fundamental misunderstanding about the true nature of things. It’s like seeds that can’t grow because there are so many weeds and brush that needs to be cleaned up all around them--and once all of that stuff gets cleared away, we can notice how naturally compassion arises.