What a Firefly Taught me about Impermanence

As a boy I really loved watching fireflies light up the night as they hovered around silently in the dark, warm air. 


One evening I so desperately wanted to prolong their spectacular light show that I thought it best to get a glass jar and trap a few of them in it so I could guarantee myself a private performance any time, anywhere (whether under my sheets at night or while having Froot Loops for breakfast). 

So I scooped a few into an empty peanut butter jar and left it in my room overnight, excited at the prospect of having them as pets that would perform for me on demand. 

When I awoke the next morning however, the same creatures that had delighted me with their vibrant illuminations were barely crawling around the bottom of the jar. At that moment I realized that I’d made a horrible mistake. After consulting the family Encyclopedia Britannica (these were pre-google days) I learned that it is the nature of fireflies to fly around at night and emit their golden glow in order to attract a mate. But during the day they are meant to be hanging out on flowers or foliage so they can feed on pollen. 


My trapping them in a glass jar had thrown all of this way off course.

Through my inability to simply appreciate their brilliance in the correct context, I had robbed them and myself of the privilege of simply riding the wave of impermanence. I wanted instead to prolong a pleasurable experience in a way that suited my short-sighted desires, and in so doing I caused myself and other living beings some suffering. 

Very often we resist one of the most fundamental aspects of this life: that everything is constantly shifting, changing, evolving. We breath in and out. Thoughts come and go. The quality of light changes from one second to the next. Mind-states that seem so daunting and heavy and permanent actually do change, if only we can just observe, trust, and wait. 

Impermanence doesn’t have to be viewed as something gloomy (e.g. Dammit! Everything eventually dies!) It’s actually a dynamic process full of potential and wonder if only we could refrain from resisting it, and revise our mistaken view to a correct one. 

At the base of our suffering is the changing nature of life itself. Our tendency to want to cling to certain things and keep them around as long as possible, and our desire to avoid anything we view as unpleasant or painful is what inadvertently causes us to suffer. So the very things we do to avoid any form of unease or unhappiness ends up creating unease and unhappiness. 

Since all things are impermanent, the second we try to experience contentment or joy through some outer means, we are dooming ourselves to failure. This sounds like bad news but what I am saying is in fact actually quite optimistic: as the Buddha taught, all of us are already inherently complete and awake and in need of nothing from “out there” that might fix or complete us. We are fine just as we are--and our job is to simply realize this and operate from that reference point.

We can ride impermanence and flow with it in much the same way a surfer uses the ocean as her driving force.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting certain things in life like a relationship, a fulfilling job, or the most amazing fitting pair of jeans. But our orientation to those things is what can mess with us if we aren’t careful. All of these things we look to for happiness are subject to change, and that’s ok. 

Impermanence as I see it is like a stream that never looks the same from one moment to the next. When you stand back and observe it’s flowing, constantly changing nature,  it’s really quite beautiful. Resisting impermanence is like trying to freeze a stream in time or trap a firefly in a tiny glass jar: when we do so, all we are left with is a facsimile of an experience, a crappy, lesser version of an experience, as opposed to the fullness and well-roundedness of the actual, fleeting experience itself. 

May we all learn to ride the wave of impermanence with ease and freedom.

“Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.” 

- Robert Frost

Saturday's dharma talk at Queer Sangha at the Interdependence Project:

Zen Meditation Q & A

Turning Poison Into Beauty

Dharma talk from May 2012 at the Interdependence Project

Homophobia and Karma

Yesterday I was alerted to an interesting little blog post attempting to answer the question "Is Being Gay OK? from a Buddhist point of view. You can view it HERE.

Attached here is an image of the original post and my comment on it. As is often the case, gay and lesbian orientation was spoken of in terms of "what may have caused it" which subtly implies that some explanation is needed since there is something wrong with an LGBT orientation. I don't feel that the author harbors and blatant hatred or homophobia in his or her heart, but statements like the one from this article that I am repeating below belie a fundamental misunderstanding and bias with regard to sexual orientation:

".....However, the truth is, in the rounds of rebirth, everything is dynamic. People can change their preferences, although in the rounds of rebirth, everything is dynamic. People can change their preferences, although in the realm of sexuality, it is a slower long-drawn process. E.g. most are born gay/lesbian due to past life influences, and do not so much consciously choose to suddenly change their orientation in this life...."


My point here is a subtle but crucial one--why is a gay or lesbian orientation being viewed in terms of what may have "caused" it? Of course I am aware that all things are the product of previous causes and conditions, but one never hears about any possible reasons or explanations when it comes to why someone might have been born with a heterosexual orientation. That's taken as a given since it is more common in a statistical sense.

And speaking about the nature of an LGBT person in terms of "preference" trivializes and diminishes people. I prefer chocolate over vanilla--my orientation as a gay man is not a "preference".

Besides that, note the 'tag' below the post: SEX. Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to use a tag like 'civil rights', 'minorities', or even just 'gay/lesbian'?

Gay and lesbian people are all too often viewed solely as sexual beings, and this wrong view is often used to justify those that argue we can simply change our sexual behavior to appease the moral views of some who decontextualize the scriptures of their respective spiritual traditions.

I realize that many will think I'm being overreactive and too in-your-face about this but my aspiration here is to help end the suffering that so many LGBT people experience in this world. I'm incredibly grateful to see how far societal opinions have evolved and matured with regard to this matter, but there is still much work to be done and I don't want any gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person to suffer any more due to any form of homophobia--no matter how large or small in degree.

Interestingly, the author edited the original posting so that it now reads:

 "....E.g. most are born homosexual or heterosexual due to past life influences, and do not so much consciously choose to suddenly change their orientation in this life. If any form of sexuality is fixated upon as a form of attachment from life to life, it would be impossible to transcend sexuality altogether...."

Below is the original posting from yesterday, and below that is how it now appears. At least the author seems to have gotten the point and I appreciate that.

Below is the altered version of the article:

Seven Ways to Meditate Anytime, Anywhere (Even if You’re the Busiest Person on Earth)

People often tell me that they really want to mediate but they’re too busy - there’s just not enough time. We all have a lot of things going on like jobs, school, families, and other responsibilities, so I frequently hear from clients and students that when they’re done with their day the last thing they want to do is to sit on a cushion with their legs crossed for thirty minutes.

The Buddha dealt quite a bit with lay people who led regular lives. He came into contact with people who didn’t have the luxury of being able to practice formally for several hours each day because they had to work in order to survive and they also had to deal with familial responsibilities. Just like today, people back then had personal and professional pressures to contend with and little to no down time.

So this notion that there’s something so uniquely challenging about our modern day situation when it comes to meditation practice is hogwash.

Many people really want to meditate and realize how important it is but they just can’t fathom a way in which such a practice could be integrated into their everyday lives.

I was talking with my teacher today about this topic and he reminded me of what his teacher Zen Master Seung Sahn used to say. Whenever he was asked what Zen practice was, Seung Sahn would reply,

“Correct Zen practice is: how do you keep your mind moment after moment after moment?”

He didn’t talk about long, formal meditation sessions or mind-numbing postural techniques—he simply emphasized the importance of bringing practice into our everyday lives and not treating it like some special, isolated thing that could only be practiced only under a very specific and limited set of circumstances.

So the good news is: you don’t have to be a card-carrying monk or a smiling, mala-bead wearing, prostrating, full lotus sitting, palms-together self-identified Buddhist in order to practice effectively every day.

Now don’t get me wrong—sitting and walking meditation are fundamental, wonderful forms of practice, and very, very useful. But if you find that you just aren’t taking the time to sit on a cushion or chair for just five, ten, or fifteen minutes a day, there there are other ways to work a meditation practice into your everyday life, even if you’re the busiest person in the world.

Here are seven ways of meditating that even the busiest among us can fit into their day:

1. Smartphone Practice – Set your phone alarm to go off at several different times throughout the day. When you hear the tone, take a moment to pause and check in and see how you are doing, even if it’s just for a few seconds. Notice if you’re stuck in any thought loops or harboring any negative emotional or mind states. Don’t try to force anything away or muster up any kind of special feeling, just notice how you are doing in that moment and then continue on with your day.

2. The Lay-Away Method – Just as it’s less painful to make a big purchase in small incremental payments over time, you can approach your daily meditation practice in much the same way. Just commit yourself to several periods of mini-practice sessions spread throughout the day. For example: tomorrow you can plan to be still and follow your breath for just sixty seconds at five or ten different periods. Use a reminder alert on your phone if you must or just schedule these one-minute sessions in your calendar the way you would a business or social engagement. When it comes to the length or frequency of each practice session you can adjust it all as needed in a way that makes it more doable for you.

3. Post-it Practice – Stick some small post-it notes in various places around your home and office that can serve as visual reminders to pay attention to what your mind is doing whenever you catch sight of them. Place them on mirrors, computer monitors, windows, closet doors--wherever you might come across them during your daily routine. You can also do this using a rubber band on your wrist, small colored stickers, or anything that can be visually prominent enough to remind you to notice what your mind is doing for at least a few seconds or more.

4. Pissing Practice – Once my teacher witnessed a desperate student approach Seung Sahn with a serious dilemma:

“According to the others at this Zen center, I am not practicing enough but I don’t have enough time each day to meditate for long periods…so what should I do?”

His answer really surprised her (and I'm summarizing):

“You shit, right? You pee? During that time, make that your practice!”

Everyone has to pee. Even the busiest person in the world has to urinate at least once a day. So why not use those precious few seconds to return to the moment and fully experience the sensations attached to the activity of peeing? We mustn’t waste anything--not even our waste.

5. Street-Walker Meditation—Whenever you are walking and wherever you happen to be, just walk. Don’t try to figure out your life or solve the world’s problems in your brain as you’re moving about—instead just pay attention to the feeling of the ground under each foot as it touches the earth below. Whether you are rushing down subway stairs, walking in the mall, running on the beach or strolling down the street, take at least a minute or more to completely immerse yourself in the simple activity of walking. Make an art out of moving yourself from your desk to the bathroom or from your parked car to the supermarket entrance. Notice what you are feeling and what kinds of thoughts arise as you do so without adding anything extra.

6. Eating Meditation – Whether you’re grabbling a quick cup of coffee at Starbucks or having an elaborately prepared gourmet meal, allow yourself some time to simply experience the act of consuming without piling anything on top of it like reading or allowing your thinking mind to take over. All too often we find ourselves eating or drinking something without even knowing what it tasted like when we’re done because we were so distracted by some inner chatter or outer multitasking. Practice is about fully engaging with whatever activity we happen to be involved with at any given time and nothing more. Whatever you are doing is enough.

7. Keyboard Practice – Cellular phones, ATM machines, and computer keyboards can be utilized like modern-day mala beads. When you’re texting or typing at your computer for example, pay close attention to the sensation of your fingertips as they tap against the keys on your phone or your keyboard.

What’s most important is to develop a way of practicing consistently that makes sense for who you are and the kind of life you lead. Be creative with this and come up with ways of meditating that are manageable, and this will inspire you to stick with it. Good old-fashioned seated meditation is still one of the best methods for learning how to get acquainted with your mind and to understand your true nature, but it’s not the only way.

Good practice is not just about sitting for long periods of time or going away on extended retreats at exotic meditation halls or reading a densely written Dharma book that makes you want to yawn. It’s simply about being fully aware of what your mind is doing at any given moment, and this is something you can do at any given moment.